Living is never easy, not if it’s done right. I keep telling myself this, it keeps repeating in my head over and over during the nights not spent asleep. The only thing to be done is to follow what you feel is the right path, not what you think but what you feel is the way you want your life led. This path will be sure to keep you challenged and on your fucking toes, gotta adapt!
I’m 28 now while writing this. At this point there is no going back, I’ve been living this way for far too long to even regret all the early decisions that were made in my life. They are simply events that I must learn from now, some very memorable, others quite easily filed away. It’s the ones that stick to the roof of your brain that I’m obsessed with. So many happen every second that for one to really absorb efficiently what is floating around in the empty space of time one has to immerse one’s self into the very chaotic patterns that make time what it is as we know it.
Time is a linear pathway for the destruction of order. The universe must decay for life to shine through the already bright technicolor spread given to us by that deep dark unknown that we all came from. It is our troublesome gift, our experience to share and simultaneously be selfish with. In the span of time, we are barely an atom but we all know the possibilities hiding in that structured building block of matter, of the potential that lurks within the order of each molecule that when disrupted, when forcefully collided with, explodes in a terrifying yet morbidly beautiful flash of destruction and grandeur.
I am obsessed with chaos, with that second rule that promises us death and decay no matter how hard we struggle to distance ourselves with it.
This obsession has led me through my own path with speeds I still can barely keep up with. It accelerates my thoughts to the point of delirium and forces decisions that make no logical sense yet are fulfilling in the broader aspect of analyses. Despite the consequences of my life, I feel as if I have achieved something bigger than the success that has been force fed to me since my upbringing in this country, something that lasts longer than the numbers in my bank account and takes me farther than any car could dream to drive.
How often do I watch as the entire world chases a structure that continues to collapse. The faith of modern man has relied on logic and reasoning for far too long. It has failed us continually throughout the expanse of history as we are forced over and over again to watch societies golden towers fall in on themselves in a cloud of disbelief and immediate blame. Those in power blame the protagonists of chaos, lying to the world that if only the whole of humanity would bow to the power of order things like this would never happen.
Everything is created to be destroyed and nothing mortal can ever change that.
We live in a world that is hellbent on being eternal. Our society is based around the thought that order can elongate our experience in this world, that it can bring us everlasting happiness and contentment, comfort, fulfillment, joy..... love. Ultimately, this idea crumbles under itself yet order continues to convince humanity over and over again that this destruction was not it’s fault and that the only thing we can do is blindly follow yet again the rules and structures it has constructed in a reality that is forever changing around it.
The human experience should not be ordered, it should be challenging and ever changing with the world and universe that encompasses it. We as a living organism, as a citizen of space and time, should not hold up the ideals that will fail in the decay of time but rather we should seamlessly follow it’s progressive reordering and evolution into that final resting place of all molecular existence, the end of time, the quieting of all that exists as energy and light.
Our experience is but a blip in time but it can be expanded. Much like any star that ever followed it’s path into non-existence, our lives must also simply devour any energy that we are lucky enough to come into contact with. Some may shine in a dull haze while others will burn with the intensity to be seen across the expanse of time, replaying over and over again what it was to be burning with all the might that was allowed to us.
This to me is our key to eternity, the only way to indelibly stamp our existence onto the fabric of time itself.
No comments:
Post a Comment